The Value of Pleasure

Somehow, pleasure has become a bad word. Or a word that brings up a response of “I don’t have time” or “that would be nice” or maybe, even, “What the hell is that?” Somehow, in motherhood, finding or engaging in pleasure has become an impossible and seemingly selfish endeavor.

But man, it is an important part of being human.

For the purpose of this blog post today, I am going to define pleasure as an experience of somatic joy. An experience that involves the human senses and physical experience of “feeling good” in our bodies. Pleasure, quite frankly, does not involve our thinking and our story lines. Pleasure is, simply, a sensory experience that invokes pleasant sensations.

And I don’t just mean sex. Though, of course that is certainly one way to access pleasure.

Engaging in pleasurable activities (think sight, sound, touch, taste, smell) releases dopamine in our brains. This experience of pleasure and reward sets into motion what is called a “pleasure pathway”- the brain remembers that this activity brings pleasure and so then desires more of that activity, knowing that it brings feelings associated with happiness. In other words, the brain begins to make connections between that activity and pleasure, encouraging us to repeat the behavior.

This, of course, can be problematic if the activity we are engaging in is potentially bad for us, like substance use, screen time, or the like. But what if the activity is actually good for us? What if the activity leads to connections with ourselves, our loved ones, or the world around us?

Sometimes, in parenthood, we get mashed up in the struggle. The suffering. The pain. Sometimes we truly forget the importance of pleasure.

So, this week we have an experiment for you. This week, we would like you to consider ways to find pleasure throughout your day. Each day- little things that might be right there in front of you the whole time.

The smell of your baby’s head.

The sound of a child’s giggle.

The sensation of sun on your face.

The experience of tasting something delicious.

The sensory experience of a tight hug by someone who you love.

The physical experience of receiving a shoulder rub, or a foot rub, or someone (maybe a child!) playing with your hair.

The genuine receipt of a complement.

The feeling of grass under your feet, or the smell of the woods in fall, of the dance of leaves in the breeze, or the taste of the final tomatoes of the season that finally grow red on their vine.

A pet’s snuggle.

A delicious cup of tea or coffee in the morning, enjoyed slowly.

A warm bath or a hot shower.

Get the gist?

But here is the thing about it all. In order to experience the pleasure- in order to fully be in your body enough to feel the pleasure, you need to slow down. Pleasure is an experience that often passes quickly and if you don’t pause you will likely miss it.

This note this week comes with a guarantee. If you really try this, if you commit to this practice, you will report more happiness at the end of the week. Even when life feels really hard.

Worth the try?