Finding Joy Amidst the Struggle: Yes, it is still there.
You know that feeling that you get when everything just feels so hard? When it is difficult to feel the sun on your face? When there seems to be no escape from the struggle? Maybe you are a new mom, amidst the overwhelming uncertainty of new parenting. Maybe you have recently lost a pregnancy, or a baby, or a loved one who has passed away. Maybe you just lost your home to a fire, or a flood, or a wind storm. Maybe your partner or spouse recently left or an important relationship just ended. Maybe you just received a diagnosis of some kind and are afraid that you might die, or have someone close to you who is sick. Maybe your suffering is less obvious- maybe you struggle with depression or anxiety and nobody else can see what you feel. Maybe your are feeling rightfully burdened by the devastation and suffering in the world. Maybe you have uncertain financial stress, or don’t like your job, or feel lonely and detached from community.
When we are in this state (and we all have been at some point if not right now), the idea of joy and pleasure and comfort feels far away. Impossible. Sometimes, we even feel like we should not access such joy when there is so much pain.
But we must practice joy in these moments too. Even when that feels hard. Because we are human, we must allow ourselves to experience all of it. If we leave our thoughts in control, our brains will tilt toward the negative and we will miss the opportunity to live in the moment. Our thoughts will always look for the problem that needs to be solved; to the lack and the struggle. This is the nature of our minds. At the same time, this, my friends, serves nobody.
So, let’s try something together.
Stop what you are doing and pause. Right now. I know it’s hard to both read and follow along, but close your eyes for a moment. Breathe.
Notice the feelings of discomfort- allow them to come forward. Pay attention to the feelings of discomfort in your body- maybe it is a tightness in your chest or your shoulders. Maybe a heaviness behind your eyes. Maybe it is a busy-ness in your brain. Notice the rapid movement of your thoughts. Name it. What do you feel?
Breathe into this. Really. These feelings are there and not going anywhere for the moment and, quite frankly, they make perfect sense. Nothing is wrong. Name them to tame them.
Ok. Now, notice the feelings of comfort and pleasure. They are there if you get curious. I promise. The softness of your sweatshirt on your skin? The ray of sunlight coming through the window? Your dog or cat nearby, unconditionally loving you? Do you hear a bird or a raindrop or music? Can you hear a child’s voice, even if it is loud and sharp, that signifies that this child is alive? Can you feel your breath? The warmth if the air around you? Find something, no matter how small. Breathe.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? That we can feel both comfort and discomfort simultaneously? That pleasure and pain can coexist? That even in our darkest times, if we allow ourselves, we can also experience joy?
This needs to be our practice. Each of us. Daily. Try it for 1-week. Maybe 2. See if you can experience the joy that is there waiting for you, where you least expect to find it. Noticing the moments of joy does not mean that you are no longer respecting the pain. It just means that you are also respecting the pleasure. It is always there. We just need to stop and notice.